Hello Again

It's been so busy. Insanely busy. I hardly know where to begin, so I will start from a few Tuesdays ago.

      Tuesday, September 13, a woman from church went to the hospital with stroke-like symptoms and chest pains. The next day, and every day thereafter, I was at the hospital with her. She was diagnosed with MRSA and several tests were run, but nothing conclusive was determined during the week she was there. She was released on the 21st, and I made sure she made it home alright. That week took a toll on me. There was so much negativity pouring out of this woman. It got difficult to see her. More than once, I had to leave and collect myself. She got so angry for no reason. She also caused herself physical harm as a way of getting attention. It was terrible to be able to do nothing for her. Even now, I find it hard to think on the things I saw done then. I felt so helpless to help her.

     When she finally did get released, something in me was different. This past Sunday, I nearly lost my temper with her twice. I haven't lost my temper with someone in ages. I thought I had that well in hand, but this was like the old Sarah was back. I had to explain to her more than once that the things she was asking of me were not appropriate. Asking me to fail to uphold a commitment or to disregard the authority of my Sunday School class leaders was just too much. And I got verbally chewed out when I said as much. It was really ugly.

     And then there were more trials yesterday. Small things, totally innocent in intent were warped into some sort of personal attack. It was very nearly too much. As I was standing and getting cussed out, I tried to explain the innocence of my intentions. Praise the Lord for another member of my church coming to my rescue. He pulled me aside and encouraged me at just the right moment.

     Another friend of mine was hurt by something I had said, which was also taken in a way I didn't mean it. It was a difficult day. Thankfully, the Lord corrected me when I was wrong. All the sin is being taken from my life. One outstanding sin was brought to my attention, and in that moment, the Lord brought me to repentance and forgiveness. I am also being prevented from sinning. As I was frustrated over a slew of issues, and taking it out on a friend, I was corrected by the Lord through the friend who I had been having issues with. That correction caused me to turn on my heel to face the innocent bystander I was berating and ask his forgiveness. The Lord shut my mouth for me.

      I have to assume that all of this is preparing me for something. I have no clue what, but I have faith that God will work it all to the good of those who love Him, and since I love Him with all my heart, I have to believe that includes me in some form or another. At the moment, I am just grateful for the growth I have experienced during the past few weeks. I have seen major changes, and though the trials that brought me to it have put a strain on me, it is well worth it to be a better tool for the Lord. I have been doing physically demanding work the past couple of days, and I have been sick, but I am still His to do with as He wills. I am serving as best I can, and I feel blessed to do so.

      I am suspect that this all leading up to something great. I am ready to really roll up my sleeves and get busy working for the kingdom of God. I have been granted a desire to serve Him, and I have been trying in my day-to-day life, but none of it feels like enough. I have determined to really dedicate myself to learning His word as of Sunday. Up until recently, I was complacent with my vague grasp of the old testament, but I am now feeling quite convicted about it and trying to rectify that flaw. A woman from my Sunday School class is (Lord willing) going to be discipling me. I am so looking forward to learning. I am starving to know more of my God. The one true God. It is so exciting to be a part of this, even if it is the broken part that needs fixing.

     And did I mention that I may soon have a job? I am thrilled. I have to find out the details, but if the Lord allows, I will have a source of income very soon. I think He is opening up an opportunity to serve in new ways. Hopefully. I am so excited for all the changes occurring in my life. There is so much to be thankful for. Praise the Lord for all He is doing. Even in my struggles, He is faithful.